Saturday, September 29, 2012

THE PRINCESS PARADOX : The Original Chapter One

My original chapter 1. This was before edits and revisions. (except I did add the essay like heading to help readers understand what this first chunk is) I am posting to get feedback about the flow and first impressions. Especially the first 150 to 250 words.
Should I keep it?
Toss?
Do you want to see the new Chapter One?
Please comment. Yes YOU!


AFTER A SCARY THING HAPPENED TO A FELLOW WRITER, I DECIDED TO TAKE THIS DOWN. 

Sad but true, some people out there are very dishonest and steal others' work. To see more about it, support fellow writers, and get smarter about what to post and what not to post, read the blog of her account: Where Ladybugs Roar


43 comments:

  1. I remember this from the GUTGAA, but I'll have to go back and read your entry again to compare them. (Sorry, there were hundreds of queries and first 150, as you already know)
    Anything with the word Princess grabs my attention!
    This version, by the way, is positively great. I really loved it!
    Talynn

    ReplyDelete
  2. Personally, I really enjoyed your original chapter...although I can see the difficulty with getting across what your actual story is when you can only post 150/250 words. I know you are putting the "blurbs" above each chapter, the only thing I'm not sure of...what are they for? Are they something she is writing for school? Also, I was kind of surprised how much she was gushing over Aidan based on how adamantly she was against the whole fairy tales and prince thing. I almost got from the blurb that she's anti-romance completely. Yet, she couldn't even talk straight (at all) around him. But I guess that is the whole point you are going for...that she doesn't even see it in herself? (ps...I don't know if it was just issues with flipping it over or what, but something seemed off near the end, repeating lines, then slightly changed and repeat again.)

    Bottom line....I like it..and think you should keep it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BTW...I don't mean "what are they for" as in why are you doing it....I just mean...what is SHE doing them for (ie work, school, journal...etc...but I think it is school from what is on top...but she just seemed older than school age to me...but is she an adult student?) Guess I'd know if I read more! LOL =)

    ReplyDelete
  4. See...this is the issue. It almost needs something else to explain the point of the essays. The essays come from when she is a senior in school. The narrative is when she is twenty-five. And yes, the whole point is fairy tales are such a part of her, she fails to see she is living one. The essays serve kind of as a foil to her character. What she critiques, she will the do.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I prefer this beginning. I do agree that it could be confusing when they only ask for the first 150.

    To be honest, the essays read like HS writing, while her current life reads the maturity of a twenty something. I enjoy the contrast.

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