So I know many of you have been witness to many tweets about
my experience with a small press and the release of my book, The Princess
Paradox. While I have many things to say, I won’t feel completely free to talk
about them until everything ends and the dust settles. What I can say is that
by November 15, my book will no longer be available.
The press I signed with is closing its doors and will no
longer be in business. The good news is that this ends a long time struggle I
have had with this "press". It means I get my rights back to my
book and if I should choose, I can self-publish it. It means I am no longer
having to give profits to a publisher who really hadn’t done a lot in terms of
what I was promised. It means that when everything is over, I can actually talk
about this entire experience without worry of being sued, even though
everything I will share is absolute truth.
But it also means my book, the one that started me on this
whole journey won’t be out there anymore. It means Nora’s story is probably
done. Because I really didn’t ever want to self-publish my own books, for many
reasons. I want to be agented. I want to get a contract with a big publisher. I
want my books to be on shelves at big time bookstores. I want to do readings
and signings and conferences. That would be my dream. (All of which was
promised when I signed the contract.) Unfortunately, that’s not what usually
happens with self-published books.
But Carey, you say, I have heard of people who self-pubbed
and attracted an agent that way! Have faith! And to you I say, that is akin to
winning the lottery. Does it happen? Sure. Is it likely? Not really.
I'm not bashing those who choose self-publishing at
all. To those that have the time to promote and market and do what needs to be
done, awesome. I really admire you. It’s just not what I want, nor do I have the
energy for it.
The reality is to self-publish a book and do it WELL, you
need to have money for things like covers, swag, and promotional materials. You
need to have someone be able to edit and format your book into e-book and print
format. You need to be able to buy and have an ISBN number and get your book
registered and copyrighted. There are tons of related costs that people don’t
think about. Then there are the press releases, writing to magazines to try and
get your book read and reviewed (and usually big magazines like USA Weekly and
New York Times won’t touch a self-published book). And in case you didn’t know,
most indie bookstores and major ones won’t stock self-published books. They
simply lack space on the shelves.
You know all those major displays with new releases and
such? Those all cost major dollars. Yep, publishing houses pay for those books
to be displayed. And they pay big.
So this whole journey has been bittersweet. Sure, my book
was out there. For a few weeks anyway. I don’t know if I had it to do all over
again if I would. I am heartbroken that this book I loved so much will never be
touched by a press again, that no agent will ever want it, that the press that “debuted”
my book—knowing they were about to go under— pretty much screwed my writing
career. I can’t use this as something on my query letters, I can’t say I’m
published, but I can’t say I’m not either. I am in this weird netherworld where
nothing really makes any sense at all.
I guess I should be thankful. I didn’t have to pay for a
lawyer to get my rights back. No one will make money on my hard work.
But, it’s like a death in many ways. I am having to say
goodbye to this dream that I’ve had for over two years (yes…that’s how long ago
I signed…that’s how long it took for them to release my book…which was supposed
to be released last year…twice. And then this year…twice. But the rest of that
story is for another post.) I am having to part with this book, these
characters, this world because I will never get published with this one, and it
makes no sense to put in the amount of hours it takes to write a book, just to
not be able to query it traditionally because it’s a sequel.
This, on top of a loss of a very different type that I can’t
even begin to explain, makes it all so much worse. I want to keep writing, I
do. But right now, my faith and hope is really at an all-time low, in pretty
much every area of my life. If I were a hero in a book, I guess I would be at
the Supreme Ordeal. I am not sure how my own story ends right now. Maybe this
is the closest I will ever come to being published. Maybe for some, the stars
are just too far to touch. I really don’t know.
If I end up self-publishing, I will be sure to let you all
know. Until then…I guess I’ll just have to wait to see how my own story ends. And there will be tears and tissues and plenty of wine and chocolate to help me cope with these emotional bruises.
